Monthly Archives: June 2013

For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. Hebrews 4:12

Your word is a lamp to my feet
And a light to my path.
Psalm 119:105

In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Ephesians 6:16-18

Through my healthy pregnancy with Abraham, I had white-knuckled the entire 9 months, never convinced that he would be born alive until they put him in my arms. I frequently experienced panic attacks, especially when sitting in dark ultra sound rooms, and during my twice weekly stress tests. I didn’t sleep well, constantly waking to make sure he was still moving. I spent the entire pregnancy terrified.

When we were pregnant with Sam, facing his terminal diagnosis, I knew there had to be another way of carrying a baby: a vital, trusting way, a way in which I could live every day to its fullest. I didn’t know how long we would have Sam, but I wanted every minute to count.

I knew I couldn’t do this vital living by myself, so I turned to God. Where was the lamp for this path? Could He show me the way? What I received was, really, one big DUH! Though I grew up memorizing Scripture, have a degree in Religious Studies, have gone to graduate school and studied the Bible, and taught Hebrew Scriptures, I had completely forgotten that THE BIBLE could help me. It is the Word of God, the lamp to my feet, the light to my path, the Sword of the Spirit!

So, this is what Jack and I did. I searched on Bible Gateway.com for specific words: “peace”, “trust in the Lord,” etc. I wrote down pages of references, and took my Bible and list of references with me along to doctor’s appointments. Then, when I would have totally freaked out before (i.e. waiting in the waiting room or waiting for ultra sound results) I would pull that Bible out and start looking up Bible passages.

I eventually learned that I also needed to remove myself from ultra sound rooms while we were waiting for results, just to stop shaking enough to flip through the pages. So, Jack and I would sit down in the hallway, Bibles in hand, and write out Bible verses about God’s promises to do us good, to be with us through all of life’s troubles, to shield and protect us.

We must have looked pretty funny: me with my big belly, and my husband, both noses in our Bible, scribbling furiously, as doctors walked over our legs in the back hallways of the most high risk Perinatology clinic in the area. I worried, too, that I would look like the dreaded “Jesus freak.” But, as my shaking hands calmed and my heart stilled by the TRUTH and LIGHT of God’s word pouring into my consciousness, I didn’t care anymore who or what I looked like. God was here with us , in this moment of supreme fear, and He was ministering to us, right then and there.

Despite the many obstacles we faced during our pregnancy with Sam, a deep peace ran through me. I couldn’t take any credit for it because I knew it was the Spirit of God working in me. The very places I had been the most afraid became places of solace. The stress tests I could never brave alone became a place of peace for me. I would drive up to Seattle in my car, listening either to Christian music (God’s word to music), or a sermon on DVD (a pastor or priest speaking God’s word aloud). It was my time alone with God and Sam, and I treasured it. I laid down on the hospital bed as they wrapped my belly with stress test belts and actually relaxed for twenty minutes. A passage was introduced to my consciousness, one I had memorized as a child:
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul .
Psalm 23:2-3

I am not saying I wasn’t afraid. I was scared to death. To tell you the truth, as Sam’s open heart surgery date nears, I am still scared to death. But I don’t have to be captivated by that fear because I have a tool: the Word of God. And I’m going to keep using it, and share my Scripture lists with you. We can wield this Sword, this tool, God gives us so that we do not have to be captivated by our present circumstances. Instead, we can be captivated by His love and presence.

There is a lot of Scripture around my house: some as decoration, some as little post it notes with Crayola marker verses on them. You can usually decipher what I’m struggling with based on what verses are posted! But I don’t care. You see, I can’t do this life by myself. I need Jesus. Plain and simple.

I will leave you with the verse I had pinned to my wall when I was a kid:
You will keep in perfect peace
all who trust in you,
all whose thoughts are fixed on you!
Isaiah 26:3

Scared to death with my nose in the Word,

Taylor

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. (NIV)

No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it . (MSG)

No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it . (NRSV)
1 Corinthians 10:13

I love this verse. It has been such a source of strength and encouragement since I was dating my sweetheart in high school, all the way through our current journey with Samuel. However, I do believe that it is one of the most misquoted and misunderstood bits of scripture in the entire Bible.

Anyone who has endured a difficult trial can probably recount at least one instance when a fellow Christian has tried to encourage them by saying, “Well, God never gives us more than we can handle.” If you are like me, a few times I’ve wanted to say something really nasty back to that well-meaning person, trying so desperately to come up with something profound to encourage me. In fact, I have slung a few nasty words after statements like that. I always regret it.

We are often confused about where temptation and testing come from. I really, truly, in all of the reading I’ve done on why there is evil in the world do not think God is sitting up in heaven with a bowl full of nasty, meting it out to the do-gooders like Job who will bring him glory, and to the evil-doers who really deserve a taste of their own medicine.

Instead, we live in a fallen world. This beautiful gift of free will our Lord has given us comes at a price: we live in a natural world with tsunamis, mental illness, cancer, heart conditions, stillborn babies. He allows the natural world to be naturally unpredictable and cruel because it is also incredibly beautiful and generous. He gives us the opportunity to choose to cling to the things and people of this roller coaster life, or to choose to hold onto Him. I’ve found holding onto Him always keeps me better than the things of this world.

The word “temptation” in the original Greek is synonymous with “testing.” Paul was not just talking about the temptations of this life; he was also addressing the trials we endure. I think this is an important distinction to make because while we all must be tempted from the venial to the moral, those are battles we fight internally. Testings, or trials, on the other hand, are battles we have no control over. We endure the troubles of this life–death, sickness, infertility, job loss, natural disasters–without a modicum of control. It is not as simple as not eating the cupcake or not smoking the cigarette. We must just hold on and “bear up,” waiting out the storm until it passes.

The fantastic truth of 1 Corinthians 10:13 is that we are not alone. God does not just watch from afar to see how many things can be piled on our little heads until we crumble. Rather, He walks beside us and helps bear our load. He helps bear our load. No matter what the trial or testing, He will provide your “way out.”

I think of David’s Psalms when I am feeling overwhelmed by circumstance. Time and time again, David speaks of the Lord as a rock to stand on or hide in. He doesn’t stop the storms of David’s life, but He provides shelter for David to withstand it.

I know that God continually provides people and circumstances to encourage me when I feel that I am about to crumble under the load I am carrying. The more I talk to Him and ask Him for help, the more provision is provided. I have carried burdens that should have landed me back in the mental hospital time and time again. The only explanation I have is that God was right beside me, carrying that load with me.

Never forget that He is good. Hold onto Him in the storm. He is the “shield about [us], [our]glory, and the lifter of [our] heads” (Psalm 3:3).

For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.
On their hands they will bear you up,
so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.
You will tread on the lion and the adder,
the young lion and the serpent you will trample under foot.

Those who love me, I will deliver;
I will protect those who know my name.
When they call to me, I will answer them;
I will be with them in trouble,
I will rescue them and honor them.
With long life I will satisfy them,
and show them my salvation.
Psalm 91:11-16

God bless you all today,

Taylor

If you need extra encouragement while going through a difficult time, I have started a new page with lists of verses concerning different needs: Verses of Comfort and Encouragement . I purposely didn’t write them out for you, because I think there is power and solace in opening the pages of your Bible and reading and writing down the scriptures for yourself. This has served me in many moments of desolation and fear. I hope it will help you as well.

I also found the blog by Joe Stowell on his website “Strength for the Journey” helpful: “Load Limits”